1. Organic milk is no good
It goes off before even I have enough time to drink it-and I am one crazy milk drinking mo-fo.
2. Things shouldn't go near microwaves
So I've come to the conclusion that bread molds quicker near the microwave, fruit ripens quicker and potatoes often spontaneously combust once being placed in the microwave for several minutes.
3. Suspicious smelling custard should not be eaten
A lot of these are food related, aye?
Anyway! Pretty much anything that smells shifty should be avoided
4. Rape alarms do nothing, go for mace
So, did anyone else hear that thing about how if you're being attacked you should yell fire instead of rape? ...Interesting. Also, people are cowards.
5. If you don't have to get up for something, then don't
Examples! Reaching really far/rolling to get the remote, getting supplies (drinks, food, etc) and sitting in one place all day, staying in bed all day and getting people to "Fetch" things for you.
6. Strange noises are usually not an axe murderer/robber, calm down
This happens to me a lot, I think I'm just a paranoid kind of person...
7. No one cares, stop obsessing
I obsess too. Like, if someone says something to me on the street and I say something back I will think about what was said and if I sounded like a doof the whole way home.
8. Pressing random buttons on the Tv will eventually make it work
Also, learning how to use the TV without the remote is very important.
9. Picking a movie that has a funny title doesn't guarantee it's going to be funny
Hey Hey It's Esther Blueburger, no one prepared me for that. Horrifying.
That's not really all of it, but I can't think of more...so stay tuned for part 2 in the not so near future?
Yep, let's go with that.
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