The routine will be after the overall things you need to do.
Bolded things are extra important, but non-bold things aren't not important.
1. Stop using all silicones (all chemicals is best, but just silicones will do). Nearly all hair products (including shampoo and conditioner) have silicone in them. Silicone is a plastic, if you look up silicone on Wikipedia you will see that it is used in sealants, adhesives, lubricants, breast implants, cookware and insulation, do you really want to be putting this on your hair? Silicone coats the hair shaft making it appear smooth and shiny, when really it is drying and damaging the hair from the inside. Silicones are bad. This step is one of the crucial ones for actually healthy hair. (After you stop using silicones your hair will go a bit crazy, frizzy, etc. because of the lack of smoothing, but it will calm down and go lovely after a week or so.
You can tell if a hair product has silicones in it if it has ingredients that end in 'cone'. The usual silicones that are used in hair products are: dimethicone, phenyltrimethicone, amodimethiconem among others.
2. Use all natural products. All of the chemicals in hair care products damage your hair while giving the impression of silky, healthy looking hair, but in reality they only provide results while you are using the products, because otherwise your hair would be damaged and unhealthy. Using products that occur naturally or only contain natural ingredients will give you healthy hair that is healthy all the time, not just when coated with chemicals.
3. Do DIY hair masks. If you google "DIY at home hair mask" then it will come up with hundreds of thousands of completely natural hair masks that you can do. They are predominantly natural because things that you can find in your own kitchen are nearly always natural materials. The usual ingredients needed for various masks are: a form of carrier oil, egg whites, milk and honey.
4. Get a hair cut. You can't mend split ends, don't trust anyone that says you can, they're silicone lovers and aren't worth your time, before you can start getting healthy hair you need to cut off the split and irreparably damaged hair. Also getting regular hair cuts is essential as well, split ends feel rough and dry out, feeling rougher, they need to go.
5. Stop using heat tools on your hair, this includes blow drying. Heat tools should only be used occasionally, eg. if you're going out for something special. Natural products and substances will get rid of frizz and a lot of things that heat tools on hair will fix, like if you want your hair straighter, my hair and straightened a lot using natural products. Heating up your hair gives you split ends and dries out your hair, with prolonged use the damage can only be repaired by cutting it off. I don't use any hot tools on my hair and haven't in a very long time, there are a lot of heat-less ways to do what you want with your hair, the easiest being curls and waves, eg. pin curls, bun curls, and headband curls.
6. Don't dye your hair so much. Dying your hair also damages it a lot, but I like to dye my hair too, so just doing it as little as possible is best (I mostly dye is over the long holidays with a semi permanent crazy colour, this year it's purple or maybe red).
7. Wash your hair as little as possible. This one is important, washing your hair strips it of it's oils which naturally make it shiny, soft and healthy, which is what you don't want, and it's also quite harsh on the hair shaft with the stripping and also when your massage it in. I wash my hair once or twice a week and it doesn't get oily in between. This is from a gradual acclimation, I started with going from every second day to every third day and onwards, now I usually go 5-6 days without washing my hair and it's not oily, just lovely and healthy. If you're worried about your hair being gross use a dry shampoo in between washes because that's better than normal shampoo.
8. Use metal free hair bands. Goes without saying, the metal in some hair bands rips out your hair or scrapes along hair that's still attached and damages it.
9. Eat healthily, drink lots of water etcetera. All that stuff that people always say (this isn't exactly a necessity).
10. Don't brush your hair with a hair brush when it's wet, use a wide toothed comb. Hair brushes easily break hairs and can damage the ends.
Routine:
When you're washing your hair (which would be as seldom as possible):
1. Wash your hair with a natural shampoo, my favourites are nearly all of the ones from Lush and the Perfect Potion Chamomile shampoo.
2. Condition your hair with a silicone free conditioner. I like once again all the Lush ones, especially Jungle, and I friggin' love Perfect Potion Rosemary conditioner, if you're either going to go Lush or Perfect Potion, go Perfect Potion. When you condition your hair you need to do some specific things, squeeze all of the water out of your hair, run some conditioner through your hair, focusing on the ends, then comb it with a wide toothed comb to desperse the conditioner evenly, put your hair in a bun with the conditioner in and do other things that you would normally do in the shower, shave whatever, wash yourself, exfoliate, do whatever you usually do for as long as possibly, but no less than 5 minutes and then rinse the conditioner out with cold water.
3. Wrap your hair in a towel removing excess water. DO NOT rub your hair in the towel, only squeeze the hair out, rubbing your hair splits the ends and damages it. Leave your hair in the towel for a few minutes, you can do your face routine while you're waiting.
4. Apply a very small amount of coconut oil to your hair, focusing on the ends. Apply a really, really small amount, like just tap your finger into the top and apply that, you can apply more when it's dry. Then comb your hair with a wide toothed comb again.
5. Let your hair air dry and put in whatever heatless curl/straight techniques you want to or leave it natural. The bun technique also works really well for soft waves/curls on dry hair, just leave it in for an hour or so and you're good.
And you're done! Do you appreciate people that have naturally soft and healthy hair now?
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